Written by Dr. Ben Caplan-Singer
We've got your favorite work drug in 4 minutes (plus it leaves no trace)
Sobriety is a lie.
Not one American works sober.
Everyone -- and we mean everyone – is on work drugs.
First, you got your street dealers. They hustle cheap caffeine and mainline sugar. You’ll recognize their powdered 'kreemer' and styrofoam cups.
Cheap and easy-to-score. “Street-grade” is all run by the Stimulant Mafia. The Stims run so deep most people don’t even know they’re getting fed by ‘em.
Sure it gets the job done… but just because you can hang a painting with a sledgehammer doesn’t mean it’s the right tool.
You feel me?
Next Level Performance Enhancing Drugs.
At the top of the work-drug game are your biohackers, Silicon Wizards, and conscious entrepreneurs.
These Work Warriors Live on Purpose. They’re focused on achieving goals and got a no-holds-barred attitude towards performance. They’ll try anything to get an edge.
Their real secrets remain a mystery. But we know a few insiders doing covert investigations… and we can confirm many of them are micro-dosing psychedelics.
PLUS they’re using cutting-edge technologies like ketones, nootropics, brain magnets, neurofeedback, and upgrading their minds with the most potent stuff on the planet – Zen meditation (which I’ve already mixed into Javazen for you).
So there you have it. From the bottom of the game to the top. Our US and A is a work culture fueled on drugs.
Street dealers slinging old school stimulants.
And the engineers of your future dosing psychedelics and techno-meditation.
What’s Your Favorite Work Drug?
It’s OK. The truth is out. You can come out and PROUDLY say:
“I use performance-enhancing drugs, I drink coffee.”
Feels good to admit it. Am I right?
So...what is Javazen, and how does it fit in to the picture?
Javazen helps high-performers, like you, get easy access to your favorite mind-altering, work-enhancing beverage: organic, direct-trade coffee.
You may be wondering: “I already have a coffee dealer. Why should I buy from you?”
Great question. We don’t want to step on anyone’s turf. Unless it Keurig’s turf. We’ll step all over Keurig’s face.
Keurig is the “Crack” of “Instant” Coffee.
You should buy from Javazen because we just made the single greatest innovation to hit “instant” coffee in over a decade.
How did we do it? We made a very simple upgrade to organic coffee.
So simple it’s stupid. So stupid it’s SMART.
We combined coffee with the world’s other favorite work drug: tea.
I know, so stupid. Who mixes coffee with tea? Taste it. You’ll realize why it’s stupidly smart. Let me explain.
Matcha green tea is loaded with brain-protecting antioxidants, like EGCG (everyone already knows that) AND it also contains L-theanine, a naturally-occurring amino acid that makes your life better.
How? This mind-altering molecule cancels out the jittery, anxious feelings that a lot of people get with straight caffeine. Now your energy is smooth and balanced. Crystal clear focus.
Now We’ve Got the Party Started we added MORE MAGIC to Your Mix.
At this point, we asked ourselves: How can we make my work drugs even more awesome?
We experimented with hundreds of recipes using “secret” superfoods from all over the planet. We tested our performance after drinking them and only kept the BEST ingredients.
Here is your magic recipe:
Organic cacao. It’s named “food of the Gods” for a reason…
Organic Ceylon cinnamon. Balance your blood sugar. Steady and stable focus.
Organic vanilla. Naturally sweet. No need for energy-sucking sugar.
Like I said. Feel Good Brain Drugs. Better than your previous dealer’s.
OH WAIT. It gets EVEN BETTER.
So big deal, right?
We mixed coffee with other awesome molecules and it works better, tastes better, and helps you perform better…for hours and hours. But you’re still not convinced we revolutionized “instant” coffee.
Here’s your slam dunk.
We packaged your mind-altering Javazen in single-serve brew bags. Completely convenient when you’re on the move.
"Our product comes from the Earth and goes to the Earth. BAM!"
These brew bags are the first of their kind. Plant-based and 100% compostable.
“I Want to Drink Javazen Now. How do I get it in my body?”
Javazen delivers you a world-class buzz – in 4 minutes – without the guilt of “instant coffee.”
You Ready to Zen?
“But I can’t make coffee! I need a machine to save me!”
No you don’t. And get a hold of yourself. You’re a functional human being.
Yes you are. Even if you’re just pretending.
You are using the Internet right now. This means you can make a perfect cup of Javazen.
Here are your ‘3 Steps to Zen’:
Put your Brew Bag in a mug. Your mug should say something clever to impress your co-workers.
Add hot water.
Let the Brew Bag do its thang. Wait 4 minutes.
You Can’t Wait 4 Minutes?
Whatever. I get it. Our premium, upgraded coffee – specifically designed to put you in the zone – is not “instant” enough for you…
My friend, I am sorry to say: You need intervention.
Keurig – “the Crack of Instant Coffee” – turned you into a K-Head.
K-Cups fry your senses and brainwash you to need your “crackfee” (crack-coffee) hit in 45 seconds OR LESS. Poor thing.
You think you’re “saving time” with K-Cups?
Think again. Here’s the True Cost of instant “coffee”:
Cheap, quick high. Initial rush lasts 20 minutes. Then you crash. Now you need carbs, sugar, more…
You are drinking hot, plastic water. Equals a bunch of toxins that mess up your hormones (science).
Low-grade coffee contains mold toxin. This means biochemical warfare on your brain.
Actually taste what you are drinking… Hot p*ss, right? You must add sugar and Russian-KGB “kreemer” to make it barely drinkable. This jacks up your insulin and cortisol → total performance killer.
Pour hot plastic water in styrofoam cup. The heat releases even more energy-killing toxins (it’s called styrene).
Please stop… we can’t bare to watch you…YOU DESERVE BETTER!
Because we care about you.
I know the dangers of reckless caffeination – the jitters, the tension, the wired and tired, all hustle & no rest, all day every day.
And we created Javazen to make your favorite work drug tastier, safer, and more effective.
We know that mindful caffeination produces happier people.
When you taste Javazen you will feel it is more than a beverage. Because I’ve designed every step of our product – from farm-to-mug -- with your performance, purpose, and planet in mind.
You Want to Brew Javazen Like a Pro?
Don’t “wait” 4 minutes.
Use these scientifically-proven, performance-enhancing techniques to make Javazen the best 4 minutes of your day.
I’m glad you asked. Here’s what Dr. Ben recommends:
- High intensity
interval training. 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off. Repeat 8 times. Mix-and-match: burpees, air squats, jumping jacks, and mountain climbers. Exercise is now checked off your list. Celebrate your victory with a fresh cup of Javazen and crush the rest of your day.
Box Breathing. Meditation made super easy for you. Breathe in 4 seconds. Hold your breath 4 seconds. Breathe out 4 seconds. Hold 4 seconds. Repeat 15 times = 4 minutes. You can check “meditate” off of your list for the day. Celebrate your Zen with Javazen.
Power Pose. Science says standing with your hands in the air victoriously for 2 minutes increases testosterone and decreases cortisol. This improves performance and wellbeing – even for women. Do this pose and you still have 2 minutes to spare. Ok we give in. Take a selfie and tag it #DareToZen or #FuelYourJourney and post it to our page. Each week our favorite gets a brew bag on us.
Thank you Javazen for getting me my Favorite Work Drug in 4 Minutes and saving me from the guilt of K-Cups!
But don’t just thank us. Drink us!